The Straw that broke the Camel's back

Last night we came home from an amazing dinner at my parent's house to discover two things.  One, that my allergies are really another lovely cold.  And two, that our youngest fur-baby, Bella, has apparently had some sort of stroke.

I lost it.  The stress of the last 4 months washed over me..and has continued to do so since 11pm last night.  Which brings me to...

I have been hiding something from you all.  We have been hiding something from you all.


In November of last year, Patrick lost his job.  It was perfect timing, being I was newly pregnant and the holiday's were fast approaching.  (Said in my best sarcastic voice) Since I stay home and only coach 'part-time' can I just be real and say there is no word in the English language that explains my worry, my anxiety, and my fear?  We assumed, wrongly, that he would have no trouble finding an new job after the Christmas season.  He has a decade of great HR experience, and although he has applied for every job up here possible, nothing.

Fast forward 4 months.

I have been diving into coaching more and more because it provides me with a distraction and with a team of people that keep a spark in my day.  As a negative person I have tried REALLY hard to focus on the positives.  At least I woke up this morning. I have an amazing son. We have an awesome so on the way.  We are around the BEST family. The best part about coaching has been that I have financially been able to support us...and I shudder about where we would be if I hadn't taken the risk to do something different a year ago.  However, my income does not cover all the bills.  We relied on his full-time job for health benefits and for income.  After scaling back our Dave Ramsey budget to bare-bones, we are still short at the end of the month.  The emergency fund, gone, and then...last night.  That dang straw.

Going to the vet this morning, right after I humble myself and ask for a payment plan.  Or whether little Bella is in pain and if treatment can wait.  Wait...wait for a job, for some income, to heal...I don't know.  Groceries or vet bill this morning?

We have prayed this prayer daily for a while now. And to be honest, I am feeling mostly like it hasn't mattered.  The tissues next to my computer are a mix from my illness and my tears.

Lord, you are good.
I need help.
They need help.
Thank you.
In Jesus name, Amen

Prayers for Patrick to find a job.
Prayers for Bella to heal.
Prayers to find comfort in what is GOOD right now.
Prayers that my coaching continues to grow and support us.
Prayers that my cold goes away....

Expecting YOU, our number TWO

October 2014, the hardest month really of my life...and yet hope...

The beginning...

A week before Babi passed she told me I was pregnant with you.  Seeing as how we had been waiting on you for many many months, I just understood her dementia and moved on.  Little did I know...

The last picture I have with my Babi

 Shortly after her passing, I had a pre-planned trip to Dallas to visit friends.  I thought about canceling it, but without plans to have a funeral, it was nice to just get out of town.  We got to see most of our friends with Halloween activities, and teaching, and running...of course ;-)

Dyan and I are actually pregnant currently; both with boys, and both conversing about it over a glass of wine (obviously before we knew haha!) Lots of secret texts those first few weeks with this girl! Plus we are due days apart this July!

Dyan and I ...hmmm

Baby's FIRST race....we ran a 10K in Frisco that weekend I was visiting with Ray and Lucy.  It was hot and they were out of water, but at least we had each other, right? Plus, I knew I needed to get some longer runs in before my half marathon in a month. Again, did not know about you here..yet...

Got home from traveling, missing my Babi and writing blog posts.  I had a few tests laying around and thought...meh..I should just test and see.

yup, no denying that one!

 I had a few days to plan out how to tell Patrick and Cohen (no I didn't spill the beans right away). I kept it Babi's and I's secret for a few days first...she was the one who told me, so those smiles I kept for her.  Anyway, we were preparing for Halloween that week so I found this cute idea on pinterest.  I had it all done and set up when Patrick came home from work!

Surprise!

 Cohen wore this shirt when we told Patrick, my parents, and then the rest of the family.

 Our first appointment was at 8 weeks pregnant although they dated us much earlier.  We actually waited until our 12 week scan for a due date because the OB here wanted to be sure.  I had a c-section the last time and want to try for a VBAC with this one..so dating is important to avoid added risks. We knew baby would be summer...just didn't know an exact date until the next ultrasound!

Your first picture! Gotta love technology!

 Although that appointment was supposed to be a happy one, we also found out that financially the coming holiday season was going to be pretty tough one.  Patrick had some job searching to do, and we went to the park to decompress a bit.  Don't ask me why we took a selfie that day- maybe to prove we were going to be ok? (still hard, by the way) God had some interesting timing with this one.

 I confided in my coaching team pretty early on about the job news, and not the pregnancy at all. I was still reeling from Babi's death and with the holidays upon us, just not feeling super joyful (and also had started morning sickness)  Anyway, my teammate Michelle had sent me this package in the midst of it all. She had no idea we were pregnant, but wanted to brighten my day ... soooo...I got to tell her that her gift would be used a bit sooner than we thought! So fun!

 One of the last training pics I took before you started taking over my body.  I am hoping that by the end of 2015 I can get back to this strength...and maybe even have an ab or two haha!!

Baby's second race! Completed my third half marathon at 8 weeks pregnant.  BEST RACE EVER. I had hoped to continue running but about 4 weeks later had some significant bleeding that put me on pelvic rest. More about that later...

hid the baby bump?

 Morning sickness and all day nausea, plus I was stinkin tired...such a different pregnancy than with Cohen.  I could have sworn you were a girl and planned to name you after my Babi.  Shakeology and naps pretty much got me through Christmas. I couldn't workout for 4 weeks so I really just tried to hang on for the ride!

 Showing faster with this one...already had a bump around 7/8 weeks. So long those abs I worked so hard for...

Brothers..?

We announced after our 12 week appointment and got the all clear.  Official due date will be July 4th and we made Christmas cards to tell our friends and family.  We posted on Facebook about a week or so later!

Facebook annoucement

our number TWO!

The Christmas card we sent out!

Pregnant with number TWO!

22 weeks with baby number 2!

I've got a couple 'back blogs' to do before this one, but wanted to start somewhere. (When you haven't blogged fro 5 months about a pregnancy, all the info gets a bit overwhelming)

Where to start? Well, you are about one pound, have staying consistently in the 150-160 heartbeat range, and have been head down as far as I can remember.  I am a LOT more tired this time around and take naps frequently...which doesn't help when I can't fall asleep at night! You are our SECOND baby boy and Cohen kisses my belly and calls you baby brother. We ask him your name a lot and so far he says 'cinnamon' or 'Thomas' neither of which sound really great to us ;-) 

I am up 23 pounds so far, and hoping to stay around 40 total....I am NOT counting calories but am mindful about my nutrition and getting in a 30 minute workout 5 times a week.  At our last scan we finally breathed a sigh of relief from the medical issues you scared us with (again, will back blog some of this!) and don't need to see the doctor for another 5 weeks. Keep growing and staying healthy little boy - we love you!

This top 10 list shamelessly stolen from pregnancy humor.com and I just thought it was so fitting....seeing as how I am 22 weeks along and still haven't blogged much about this baby.  I've been taking a few weekly pictures, writing some some things in a journal, but for the most part- have been ENTIRELY too relaxed about keeping track of this pregnancy!

(copied from the internet March 1, 2015 and I've plugged my thoughts in green...)

"Oh, how things change…

10.  First Pregnancy:  You devour every single weekly pregnancy milestone update from baby center.com and know exactly what size and which vegetable the baby resembles.

Second Pregnancy:  “How far along am I?  Um, let me see…maybe somewhere in the first trimester?  Wait, no, third.  I think.”

9.  First Pregnancy:  You diligently avoid all caffeine, alcohol, sushi and other supposed pregnancy no-nos. Yea, didn't really do that with Cohen either.

Second Pregnancy:  “Make it a DOUBLE ESPRESSO.  And bring it up to the bathroom where I’m going to be snorting aspirin in a steaming hot bath.  Thanks!” I have wine a couple times a week, coffee is a necessity every.single.morning.  Everything in moderation, right?

8.  First Pregnancy:  “Yay!  I’m starting to show!”

Second Pregnancy:  “Oh, God.  I’m starting to show.  AND I’M ONLY ONE WEEK PREGNANT.” And yes, trying to pull out some old belly pics to compare. I am carrying a lot higher with this one than with Cohen...and I am a bit smaller ;-)

7.  First Pregnancy: You play French folk music and Learn Japanese CDs before going to sleep in hopes of giving birth to a multilingual genius with an IQ of 150.

Second Pregnancy:  Screw the folk music.  Nothing wrong with having a child of mediocre intelligence!  Because, let’s face it, you want to go to sleep as soon as you canwhen you already have a child with another on the way.

6.  First Pregnancy:  You feel the baby kick around 20 weeks.

Second Pregnancy:  You feel the baby kick around 12 weeks.  And why is that?  “Your muscles aren’t as strong the second time around, so you feel it more,” the OB says “helpfully.”  *SIGH*  A simple “you’re more in-tune with your body” would have sufficed, doc. Truth.  I felt you move around 13 weeks this time..and it was crazy!

5.  First Pregnancy:  YOU:  Guess what?  I’m pregnant!  FRIENDS & FAMILY:  Yaaaaayyyy!  This is the best news EVER!

Second Pregnancy:  YOU:  Guess what?  I’m pregnant!  FRIENDS & FAMILY:  Huh. Was this planned?

4.  First Pregnancy:  You buy a ton of maternity clothes to show off that beautiful, blossoming bump.

Second Pregnancy:  It’s all about sweatpants. and yoga pants, and i live in my workout clothes...thank goodness I don't have to wear 'real' clothes that often.

3.  First Pregnancy:  You have outdone yourself with the nursery, which is beautiful enough to be displayed in the pages of House Beautiful.

Second Pregnancy:  You’re not even sure where you’re going to put the kid.  Put a blanket in a dresser drawer, perhaps? yup, sorry bud, we haven't done anything yet to prepare for your arrival....

2.  First Pregnancy:  You rub cocoa butter on your stomach every day to avoid stretch marks.

Second Pregnancy:  You quickly throw on your sweats to avoid looking at the stretch marks caused by your first pregnancy.  Cuz what's the point? I have them, i'm sure I'll get more, and no cream really works..

1.  First Pregnancy:  You and your baby are celebrated at a fun baby shower.

Second Pregnancy:  You are lucky if you have the time to take a hot shower"

So there you have it, an update ;-)