Anderson, your name...

I still miss her most days, but especially on Sundays. Those afternoon talks were part of our routine, and even though she's not answered the phone in ten months, I still sometimes catch myself wanting to call. It's her birthday today and my time hop app is reminding me of her again...

If you haven't read our story about Babi telling me we were pregnant, you can read that here. Being so close, I knew we would be naming this child, in some way, after her. 

Those first 4 months of pregnancy were so so much different than with Cohen. I would have sworn baby G2 was a girl. 

And then, he wasn't. :)

In that moment during the ultrasound, my first thought was HOW are we going to name him?!? Elizabeth just wasn't going to cut it. Obviously. 

My Babi's name was Elizabeth Havlik. But her Slovak name was Alzbeta Checova. So we made our list of names...

Elias

Eli

Elijah

(For obvious reasons)

Blake and Braeden 

(Because Babi started with a B)

And then we got creative..

Anderson Allen and Cole

(Because we could use her initials!)

Anderson is just a name we liked, nothing more...and it started with the appropriate letter. Cole because it's similar to my name AND his big brother's name. 

Anderson Cole after Alzbeta Checova. 

So there you have him. 

And a little piece of my Babi too <3

Two weeks old

W

Anderson, today you are two weeks old and while we are surely adjusting to having you here, we have loved every crazy minute of it. 

You are stretching out of those newborn clothes already; which is expected because you are now 2 ounces over 8 lbs! Apparently you eat well and grow fast.  

Speaking of eating, you are a nursing champ but like to eat less than every 2 hours. Around the clock. Let's just say I'm ready for some sleep kiddo, mkay?

Your favorite place to be is laying on mom, either in our brown chair or the ring sling  

You've had tons of visitors, and all of them think you are just too cute. 

Speaking of cute- where did you get all that hair from??? We love it and run our fingers through it all the time. Fingers crossed that you don't lose it as 'newborn' hair. 

Cohen loves you and has been gentle with you. He is acting out for his parents and regressing in some areas, but at least he loves his baby brother :) 

We love you our little squeaker. 

Birth story

Trying to get this down on *paper* I read other people's birth stories for inspiration and strength nearly every day.  I am hopeful that this might help other pregnant mom's in their quest for VBAC too! Its long, and parts are graphic, just warning you!

Birth Story: Anderson Cole

Wednesday, June 24th:

I would be remiss if I didn't start one day prior to labor beginning.  It was Wednesday, June 24th and I had dropped our baby puppy, Bella, off at the vet. She had been vomiting and I thought she needed some antibiotics.  The vet called less than an hour later and asked if I was sitting down...Bella's organs were all failing.  No explanation. "Would you like to take her home to say goodbye...?"  The rest of that day and night are a blur. I know we didn't sleep, we loved on her, let her in bed with us and said our goodbye's the next morning...

Thursday, June 25th

I really can't type that morning out without the tears coming again, but immediately after the vet, Patrick and I went to my 39-week check-up with my OB.  He checked me and said no cervical effacement or dilation but there *may* be some softening.  We talked about inducing (something I DID NOT want to do) on the following Monday. I went home and lamented to my doula before laying down for an afternoon nap with Cohen.  

Labor started somewhere around that time.  The contractions were strong enough to wake me up after an emotional night/day and I texted my doula. She reassured me that it was 99% sure from the OB's check earlier and to drink some water and take it easy.  So I dismissed it ;-)

We had our family's hair appointments scheduled that evening after Patrick got off of work with my seester, and by this point the contractions were regular, within 5 minutes apart. Some were painful but I was still thinking it was just from the check and emotions of the day.  My sister was so excited and said I had to be in labor... and by the time we drove home after our cuts/colors/blow outs, I was unable to just breathe through the contractions.  I got in several positions on the bed, in the bathtub and my mom, sister and hubbie took turns coaching me.

We called my in-laws to come and stay at the house with Cohen from the salon. By that point I knew he would be scared watching me labor and I wanted him to be somewhere where we didn't have to worry about him. I still at this point was thinking we would be done in 8-10 hours of labor...ha! Plus he had the time of his life playing for those days!

Breathing and timing my contractions at the salon...teehee

Sure enough...sometime around midnight my doula said with the consistency of the contractions (coming every 2-3 minutes for 30 seconds to 90 seconds long) that I needed to head to the hospital. I was checked...1 cm and 70% effaced after nearly 12 hours of labor.  Progress, but slow, and the hospital wouldn't admit me because active labor wasn't until 4 cm. Looking back I should have stayed at home a bit longer- my progress STOPPED completely even though the contractions were getting way more intense.

Last Bump Pic! and I am exhausted already....

Friday, June 26th

I labored the best in the shower in our hospital room, the water felt amazing, and now I understand why some women labor in tubs. The nurses and docs checked me every 2 hours and nadda, nothing, zippo progress.  I caved and had morphine so I could sleep a bit during the contractions (at this point having not slept in two nights) but it didn't really take enough of the edge off for my liking - ha!  Around 1 pm we talked to my OB because I had been laboring for 24 hours. He couldn't admit me due to a March of Dimes rule about not being 39 weeks (This was Friday, and I was 38 and 6, missing the cutoff by TWELVE HOURS) and he wasn't able to do anything to help my labor progress because the hospital labels that an 'induction'...and inductions weren't allowed on weekends.  (The two 'induction' options as a VBAC mama were premature breaking of water or starting a low dose of pitocin to help move things a bit quicker)  Dr. T. (my OB) said the earliest he could do anything to help me would be Monday.  Three days away.  I was exhausted and knew there was no way I could make it the weekend with the pains and lack of sleep.  Literally I had no options but to continue laboring. I was emotionally done. Hurting. Hopeless.  

So they discharged me.  I got home and got in our bathtub again...and stayed there.  By 8pm that night I had reached beyond a level 10 in pain. The neighbors I am sure heard me and I told Patrick that we were going back to the hospital. I didn't care if they knocked me out and took the baby at that point....I think the knowledge that every time I finished a contraction that another one was coming was too much for me by that point.  I was so so tired from Bella, and not sleeping, and laboring for so long. All I really remember saying is that I can't do this anymore. I can't. I can't.

So back we drove to L&D triage, about 10 hours after they had discharged us, and fortunately less than 5 minutes from the house.  I had 3 contractions in the hallway and I'm pretty sure the entire floor knew I was having a baby ;-) Those 60 seconds were the LONGEST of my life.  I was so so worried that I hadn't progressed and would be stuck with more pain until Monday.  Emotionally this was unbearable...beyond the physical exhaustion and pain.  The nurse finally checked me and I had progressed. Not much...2 cm and 90% but at least it was progress which meant that I got to be admitted AND they could give me my epidural. 36 hours after the contractions started I got the epidural.  3 days into this I finally got to sleep. Heaven.

2nd time in triage. Don't let the calm face fool you...I was NOT calm!

The nurses gave me something to make me loopy so I'd stop yelling while we waited for the epidural.  My mom said that it was awesome...I don't remember a whole lot by that point.  I was completely checked out. The anesthesiologist came in right around midnight. Thirty-six hours of natural labor was enough for me.  I was finally able to sleep!

Saturday, June 27th

Around 6 am that morning the attending dr came in to talk to us about the day.  She wanted to break my water because my contractions were slowing and spacing out to 7/8 minute increments. BUT because I was a VBAC she needed to wait another hour until my OB would be on call. (Otherwise I wouldn't be allowed to VBAC if I progressed too fast...gotta love how the system works) Until that point everything looked perfect. My blood pressure was great, Anderson was tolerating TOLAC perfectly, and I was slowly dilating. When she came back to break my waters, I was at a solid 5 cm so we were thinking I might be pushing by mid-afternoon! We were so excited to have such a different birth experience than the emergency section with Cohen.  In fact, I remember talking to Patrick about how cool it would be for him to cut the cord and for me to get to see the baby!

The timeline at this point is shady for me.  I remember her breaking my water and turning a bit to be on a different side.  I remember my amazing nurse coming in a bit later to shift me to my left side because Anderson had his first de-cell in heart rate in the entire labor. (It was 90 which was WAY lower than the 130/140/150 range it had been in). In the process of Staci (my nurse) shifting me I felt uncomfortable on the top part of my belly on the left side. Which was weird because the epidural had numbed all of me...

Not but a few moments later I was feeling a searing pain on that upper side.  Unimaginable pain.  100 times worse than the contractions that a few hours earlier had me yelling. Staci was at my right side, I remember her paging people and saying OR...all I wanted was the pain to stop.  It was constant, not like a contraction, and like I was being ripped apart.  I knew at that moment that I was the .01%...that my uterus was tearing.  All the horrible outcomes flooded my mind...

I remember them starting to cut over my old incision in the OR before they put me under general anesthesia, and I remember Staci looking at me and telling me to stop yelling because they had to get this baby out NOW.  I thought we had already lost the baby and was worried they were going to have to do a hysterectomy (too much research on uterine rupture prior to birth).  I also remember thinking, the chance of this is so so SO rare...why is this happening to me???

...and they got Anderson out in minutes. 42 hours after my first contraction woke me up, we had a healthy 7 lb 6 ounce baby boy!!

First look at our baby, and Patrick said he was definitely an Anderson....no other discussion about our 7 other name choices.

Patrick, who will have to fill in his side of the story at some point, was back in our labor room thinking something was happening to me. He was a hot mess when the nurse brought Anderson to him....and he told her it wasn't our baby because I was just rolled back to the OR.  Plus, this baby was healthy and all along he had thought if this was a rupture then the baby and I would be critically ill.  Fortunately my mom was with him and recognized the 'mini-Cohen' ;-) I think in this picture Patrick went from tears of sorrow to joy in less than a second. #rollercoaster  Can you imagine how fast they got Anderson out of me, checked and cleaned up,  and then to his daddy??

When I came to, I seriously thought I was still in surgery.  The pain had not subsided and I know I said a few choice words to my husband and mom (OMG! Ask them for that part of the story...GEEZ) over that period of time. I could not for the LIFE of me figure out why no one was helping the pain.  They kept trying to give me Anderson to hold and I didn't want anything to do with him. I just wanted to feel better.  Honestly, it hadn't even registered that we had HAD another baby!  (I have lots of pictures of Patrick and the nurses holding Anderson on my midsection but my face is all twisted in pain...and not covered up! ha!)

I have no idea how long it took for me to calm down and for the pain to subside.  Patrick said the medical team was about to give me an anti-psychotic because I was a hysterical mess.  I do remember Audrey, my sister, putting on some makeup for me to try to calm me down.

I still had my ear plug in from sleeping just a few moments before, all calm with my awesome epidural.

Here is Staci ;0) My hero. Our nurse. And we are being wheeled from L&D to recovery. At some point my littlest sister and my OB were there but I don't remember them at all.  

Saturday night, Staci came back AFTER her nursing shift to check on me and little Anderson.  We got to hear more of her perspective and I am just so thankful that she recognized the pain THROUGH the epidural meant a failure of my previous scar AND that she paged the OR right away to get the best outcome we could have ever prayed for.

*warning: graphic*  She said once they had my abdomen open, that the old scar had opened and Anderson's umbilical cord had come through my uterus.  This might have explained the de-cells she noticed before we moved me to my left side.  The pain I was actually feeling is called referred pain, because the TOP of my uterus was fine. The rupture was at the previous scar site...crazy how the human body reacts to pain.  Other parts of the uterus were two to three CELLS thick. They could see straight through into my womb.  In my OB's words, we had a few more minutes before a total rupture (critical) and the outcome would not have been good. He was so calm when explaining it (and I on the inside and thinking...MINUTES?? OMG!)  Anderson was already so far down the birth canal that Staci and both operating doctors had to do some pretty rough maneuvering to get him out. THAT explains the pain and recovery I am having beyond just the c-section scar, and Anderson had some bruising and scratches on his little head for a few days.

All and all prognosis is great.  My OB stitched me up a double suture and has assured me that if we want more children it IS possible (um, lets just stick with these boys for now mkay??) He did say the reason for the rupture was probably that I labored for so very long with no progress.  IF (and that is a HUGE IF) we decide we would like another baby, I will not be allowed to labor.  No contractions, nothing that is stimulating to the uterus, and if the braxton hicks get too intense we will do an immediate section. 

Late Saturday night we finally got to spend some quality time together.

SO much hair!

It still took several days to piece together all the stories...from my perspective, my mom's and sisters', Patrick's and all the medical staff.  I am still in shock nearly two weeks later that I survived, Anderson survived, and despite such a traumatic birth experience that we FEEL good and are getting better each day!

Anderson Cole, hours old

God is good, all the time.  All the time, God is good.